If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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