John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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