Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
