If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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