ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
