2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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