Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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