I heard we made out
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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