We won't sleep together?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
