I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
True strength comes from lack of pants
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
