i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize