the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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