I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
