Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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