I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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