looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
