life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
