if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
