You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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