Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
