don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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