his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
