...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
