I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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