you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize