i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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