i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
