i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
