If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
