The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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