Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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