I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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