He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
