3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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