You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
