My liver just broke up with me...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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