His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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