they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
