so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
