2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
