so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
organizing the empties. That sober.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
