i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize