First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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