I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
