Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
from now on my penis is your penis
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
