I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Use "feeling words"
Yay
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
