How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
