I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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