three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize