Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I love you. Go after that dick
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
