if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
