if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
