woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
