Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
