Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
