Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
