Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
