I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
