and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
