goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
