Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
