Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
