He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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