Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it because I queefed?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
