you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize