I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
