Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize