I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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