Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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