One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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