Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just gargled with NyQuil
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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