btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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