She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
