Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
