you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
