I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
