Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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